May 25

I like to blog about the things that speaks to me the most about the passage we read. I had most of it written today and then erased it. Just didn't feel right. Then I started having little thoughts.....'you can't write about that subject anyway.....you always screw it up....".

Well.....yeah.....I do screw it up. So do we all. Maybe my screwup and my 'plan' to handle it next time will help someone. And p.s. I'm not listening to that little voice, it doesn't agree with God's word...SO THERE.

The thing that struck me about the reading was section on respecting your parents. I think it was actually easier when I was young than when I'm an adult. I don't know if you have parent that pushes your buttons but I do! However, on close examination- I think I had my button quite ready to be pushed. Here's what happened- we had a mother's day party at our house. Got the house all cleaned, the food all ready etc..and as usual my bedroom was the 'dumping ground' for anything around the house that hadn't found a 'home'. I shut the door to hide the mess and said to myself - I KNOW my mother will find a reason to go in this room and comment on how messy it is EVEN though it's spring, she has no coat to 'put on the bed' and there is NO reason to go in there. Well, you know what happened? Exactly that. She went in there, for the express purpose (it felt like) to comment on how messy it was. How did I respond? It was NOT pretty!! I think she felt like she'd been hit by a Mac Truck by the time I was done. Not my most 'holy' moment.

SO I've been thinking about this since it happened, wondering why it bothered me so much. Back to the book I just read (see the last couple blogs). The author said that God sometimes speaks to us at times in our dreams and shows us areas that we have not given over to Him and where we need healing. Strange concept since I tend to have the WEIRDEST dreams!! I had one a couple nights ago...the High School kind (you know we all have them from time to time). I had forgotten to do a huge project and was not going to graduate. (You will laugh at this if you went to LHS- it was for Harry Knuckles class- and if you didn't-yes, that was his real name!). So I've been thinking about that in light of the book and I thought perhaps I had an unconcious agreement (belief) that I really was inadequate. My intellectual mind said, 'well it's not that I have those kind of dreams all the time, everyone has them'. Then I thought, you know what.....try it. Lord, I give you my past feelings of inadequecy and invite You in to heal them. Peace.......flooding peace. Wow. This works. Who'd have thought. Then I got thinking about my mother. The message was the same (in my perception), "You are inadaquate. You can't even clean your bedroom!" So I need to work on healing from the inside out so I don't walk around with a big 'button' that says Push Here! And hopefully NOW I start treating my mother with the respect she deserves.